Fan Manual Are Confusing!

Recently, there was an addition to the family of electronics at my humble home. Its called a stand fan. Thou its not the first, it definitely came with some wacky instructions in its manual. Figured that its note worthy material, I've decided to blog it down for fun~

here goes~

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS:
-To protect against electric shock, do not place fan in window, immerse unit, plug or cord in water, or spray liquids. (who in the right state of mind would actually immerse the fan? make it cooler?)

-Do not operate the fan in the presence of explosive and/or flammable fumes. (Shouldn't they change this one to "Stay away from explosive and flammable fumes as they CAN potentially kill you with or without the fan")

WARNING: To reduce the risk of fire or electrical shock, DO NOT USE THIS FAN WITH ANY SOLID STATE SPEED CONTROL DEVICE. (What in the world are solid state speed control devices?!?)

NOTE:
This appliance is not intended for use by persons with reduced physical, sensory or mental capabilities, (makes sense till here) or lack experience and knowledge, unless they have been given supervision or instruction concerning the use of the appliance by a person responsible for their safety. (Great... so you actually need qualifications to operate a fan nowadays. So I guess I'd need to attend a course or maybe have experience in fan operations for 2 years before I'm allowed to use this fan?)
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Hope you enjoyed another of my rare posts~ ^.^